Naruto: Pretender
by lily day
Summary: Once, when Iruka was crying in the forest over his dead parents, someone comforted him. Now, an adult, Iruka still searches for the stranger from that night. Iru/Kaka Yaoi FINISHED
1. Remember

Lily: i'm going to work on this Iru/Kaka fic and a separate Luffy/Zorro fic, maybe another Sasu/Naru fic on the side. Ah well. I appear to have become something of a yaoi obsessor. =^O^=  
  
Naruto: Pretender  
Chapter One  
Remember  
  
Iruka sobbed and dug his knees into his eye sockets, trying to choke the flood of salty water that coursed down his face. His black hair swung freely, covering his face like a curtain. The hair band that held it back had long ago been torn off by bushes and brambles. Iruka had run here, deep in the forest, to hide.   
  
His parents had been killed by the Nine Tails a few weeks before and this was the first time that Iruka had cried since then. And now that he had begun to cry it was nigh impossible to stop. Iruka dug his fingers into his scalp, punishing himself for such an overt display of weakness. But still, his thirteen year old body shook with heart wrenching wails.  
  
Iruka was so absorbed in his misery that he didn't even notice the slightly older shinobi walk up behind him. The boy was probably about fifteen years old, he wore a mask that covered his nose and mouth, his Hitai-Ate band was brought down over his left eye and his bushy gray hair stuck out all over. He crouched down by Iruka and lay a gentle hand upon his shoulder. Iruka whirled around, smacking the hand off his shoulder.  
Leave me alone, he said in a strained voice.  
said the other boy, something's wrong. Tell me what it is,  
  
Iruka looked at the boy. He didn't know this boy. Why should he trust him? Why _shouldn't_ he trust him? He needed someone to talk to and this impartial stranger just might be that person.  
  
It's my parents, said Iruka in a more subdued tone of voice.  
What's wrong with them?  
They're... they're dead. Nine Tails killed them when he attacked the village. I'm... alone. I don't have any other family. No one else...   
Saying the words had impressed upon Iruka the truth of the matter and the finality of it. It brought another wave of grief, but no tears.  
  
The other boy put his hands on Iruka's shoulders, rubbing his fingers into the tense muscles and beginning to loosen them.  
I don't have any family, either. My team was my family. They, too, were all killed, that's how I lost my left eye. I think I know how you feel.  
  
Iruka sniffed, but leaned into the boys comforting hands.  
  
People who haven't felt loss this extreme can't understand it, continued the boy, all that stuff they say, I'm so sorry', We'll be here for you', I understand', It's all lies. and we know it and it hurts. That's why we pretend to be happy. But some of us can't stand pretending every moment of their regular lives, so they try and shut themselves out. You shouldn't do that. You never know what you'll miss. If you pretend you can still be a part of the real world, you can still make friends. And, one day, if you trust and love your friends enough and the same for them, you can tell them about how sad you are, you can tell them how you truly feel. They may not fully understand it, but it will help to take away some of the pain.  
  
Iruka made a small sound at the back of his throat and wiggled his shoulders as the boy rubbed along Iruka's spine.  
  
So, please, whatever you do, don't shut yourself out. Who knows what you'll miss, who you'll miss and... added the boy in a whisper, who'll miss you.  
  
the boy took his hands away, Iruka gave a small grumble of protest. The boy smiled to himself and stood up, beginning to walk away. Iruka quickly stood and grabbed the boy's hand. The boy glanced down, slightly surprised.  
  
What's your name? Mine's Iruka.   
The boy smiled and took his hand away, lifting up his Hitai-Ate band. he revealed pale skin, one blue-gray and one scarred, Sharingan Wheel red iris eye.  
Kakashi. Nice to meet you, Iruka. Remember, shinobi are master of illusion, of pretending. Promise me that you'll never give up.  
I promise.  
  
Kakashi walked away without another word.  
  
  
Iruka woke up, blinking his eyes against the invading sun light. The dream -or was it a memory?- was fading into the back of his mind to become bits and pieces enveloped by mist . Iruka rolled over, off his pallet and onto the chilly floor. He grabbed some clean clothes and turned on the shower.  
  
Iruka stood in the shower, liking the way that the hot water made his cold skin prickle, like... like hands running down his back and across his shoulders. Iruka ran his fingers through his hair, water droplets lacing through his thick eyelashes.  
  
Was that dream merely that, a dream? Or was it more, a memory? He was so sure it was a memory, it had felt so real. Iruka was sure that if he felt those hands on his back again he would know, know who it was, know if they had been the one. He dreamt of that... memory so often but he could never remember the boy's name and is face was always hidden by the twilight and shadowed by the moon.  
  
Iruka gave a final sigh, stepping out of the shower, rubbing his body dry and getting dressed. Off to another day of pretending, another day of being nice Iruka-sensei, another day of searching the eyes of everyone he met for that spark that the boy's eyes held, another day of hunting for the warmth of the boy's voice, another day desperately seeking the boy's touch and never finding it.  
  
If he hadn't made that promise to the boy, he would have given up many years ago.


	2. Sensei

Lily: whoa. i don't know where THAT came from. my first chapter for this fic was way different from what I usually do. it was weird I just, y'know, started typing and didn't stop 'til it was all out on the screen...  
Phantom: see? I AM a good muse!  
Fly-Girl: hehe... so am I. You should see the drawings she's been doing lately.  
Lily: Oh, everyone, I'd like you to meet Madame Butterfly, my art muse. You can call her fly-girl.  
Fly-Girl: charmed, i'm sure.  
Phantom: anyway... on to the story!  
  
Naruto: Pretender  
Chapter Two  
Sensei  
  
Iruka sighed. It had been a trying day for him. Chou had nearly set Shi on fire with an overwhelming jutsu. Over course, Shi had been trying to flip her skirt...  
  
Iruka's consolation was that he was going to see Naruto, his other classmates and their new sensei. Iruka knew that they were training under Kakashi-sensei, but he had never met him. Kakashi-sensei was rumored to have never let any students pass his shinobi test... until now. Iruka wondered what it was that made Kakashi-sensei let Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke pass. Iruka had taught all three of them and he knew them almost as well as their parents... he practically _was_ a parent in Naruto's case and Sasuke had _no_ parents.  
  
Sakura was stubborn and smart, a fearsome combination. When she put her brilliant mind to work she could accomplish almost anything, but she had a very fragile ego and the slightest insult could make her depressed for days. She absolutely adored Sasuke and would have nothing to do with Naruto.  
  
Sasuke was the best shinobi of his year. He had the capabilities of being the next hokage. He was able to do jutsu far beyond his years. But it appeared that his only reason for being a shinobi was so that he could gain vengeance upon his brother, Itachi. It had become Sasuke's soul purpose in life. Iruka was worried that it would fully consume him, he would never be able to come out from behind his cold mask and that after Itachi's death... he would have no purpose.  
  
Naruto... Naruto was something of an inverse of Sasuke. A yin to his yang. Instead of retreating behind a mask of ice, Naruto's mask was one of pure energy and fire, hiding the lost and sad child beneath it. It was Itachi's wish that Naruto and Sasuke might realize their similarities, one of which being their hidden affections for each other, and be able to break down each other's barriers.  
  
Iruka rolled his shoulders to loosen the tension that had come from sweeping ashes off the classroom floor. He checked the clock on the wall. Time to go. They had said that they would meet at Naruto's favorite ramen place.  
  
  
Iruka entered the ramen shop and paused to smell the air. Mmm... all sorts of good smelling ramen, beef being his favorite. He glanced around the restaurant, catching sight of Naruto's sun streaked hair. Iruka walked over and slid into the booth next to Naruto. Naruto smiled and did a close range tackle into Iruka's stomach.  
Iruka-sensei! You came!  
Ow, yes, I did. But if you keep squeezing me like that I'll die.  
Eh, sorry.  
Nah, it's ok.  
He ruffled Naruto's spiky hair happily. Only then did Iruka stop to look around at the others at the table.  
  
Sakura sat as close to Sasuke as possible, smiling into his averted eyes. Sasuke was looking away, but sneaking the occasional glance at Naruto. Naruto was sandwiched between Iruka and... That must be Kakashi-sensei,' thought Iruka.  
  
The shinobi had silvery hair that spiked outward to one side, he had a black mask pulled up over his nose and mouth and his Hitai-Ate band was pulled down, covering his left eye. Said nose was stuck in a book entitled, Make Out Paradise'. There was something oddly familiar about Kakashi-sensei, a sort of Deja Vu feeling pervaded. Iruka wished that he could remove the mask and band and see what Kakashi-sensei really looked like.  
  
said Iruka, leaning across the table to see Kakashi-sensei, you must be Kakashi-sensei. I'm Iruka-sensei.  
Oh, I've heard all about you, iruka, said Kakashi-sensei, foregoing the formalities, Naruto won't _shut up_ about his Big Brother'. I even know about the time you were fixing some lady's roof for a mission, stepped through a hole and fell into the shower with her.  
Naruto howled with laughter, the other two sniggered and Kakashi-sensei's eye scrunched up in amusement. Iruka blushed furiously.  
Naruto... I've told you never... tell... _anyone_... that... story.  
Ahh! Sorry. Sorry. It's just too funny. Plus, it makes you blush and it's funny when you blush.  
Oh, shut up.  
Luckily, at that moment the waiter came to take their orders, saving Naruto from eminent doom.  
  
The five chatted happily about how their lessons were going. Well, it was really more like the three, seeing as Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei hardly spoke at all. Iruka noted that Kakashi-sensei didn't take off his mask to eat, but when Iruka looked at his bowl maybe five minutes later, he realized that it was empty.  
said Naruto knowingly, we never see him take the mask off. Not for a bath, not for food, not for sleep, not for _anything_. No body's seen him without it.  
Kakashi-sensei smiled under the mask.  
It's because I'm so ugly. Any one who sees my face dies of shock. So there's no one to tell the tale...   
Iruka laughed.  
Oh, come on, you can't be that bad. I mean, plenty of people have seen _Naruto_ and-  
Naruto smacked Iruka's arm, That's mean!  
Joking, joking. But really, Kakashi-sensei, why not?  
Well, for one, you can call me Kakashi, and two, I have personal reasons.  
Oh, ok. Sorry to pry.  
No, no. You're allowed to.  
The rest of the meal passed rather uneventfully, except for a moment where Kakashi and Iruka had to hold Naruto back from killing Sasuke.  
  
Iruka walked home happily. It had been a nice day, minus the burning bit with Chou and Shi. Iruka wondered... what _did_ Kakashi look like? Either he really was ugly, but what Iruka had see of his face said that he couldn't be ugly, or he was really handsome or he had some disfiguring scar. Iruka didn't really _mind_ what Kakashi looked like, he just wanted to know _what_ he looked like. Iruka mentally smacked himself. He was behaving like a little girl with a crush! He didn't like Kakashi... did he?  
  
Iruka entered his empty feeling house, got dressed for sleep and lay down in his bed. Just like every night since the one in the forest, there were no warm hands to comfort Iruka in his misery, no warm body to shelter against. Iruka sighed and pulled the covers around him, hoping to stay warm.


	3. Coincidence

Naruto: Pretender  
Chapter Three  
Coincidence  
_  
-And in this state she gallops night by night  
Through lovers' brains, and then they dream of love;  
O'er courtiers' knees, that dream of curtsies straight;  
O'er ladies' lips, who straight on kisses dream,  
Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues  
Because their breaths with sweetmeats tainted are.  
_- Shakespeare  
Romeo and Juliet  
Act 1, Scene 4  
  
Iruka sighed and let the book's heavy cover fall shut. Did Queen Mab assault his dreams at night? This royal lady's attack might explain why his dreams had become so much more vivid. The boy's eyes were so compelling that his whole being shivered, his voice so soothing that he felt completely relaxed and his touch was so voluptuous that Iruka was in ecstasy even as he slept.  
  
It had escaped Iruka's mind, but it was only after he met Kakashi that these dreams intensified so.  
  
Iruka sighed. Even as his dreams became more and more sexual in nature, his days became more and more mundane. Everyday it was the same thing, wake up, remember your promise, shower get dressed, go teach, come home, eat, remember your promise, sleep. Iruka desperately needed something to bring a spark of light into his gray days.   
  
At one time, that spark had been Naruto. The fiery boy had been enough to get him up in the morning. During those days Iruka's goal for everyday was to help Naruto, but now that Naruto was gone to another teacher, Iruka had lost his goal and his life was purposeless. He only saw Naruto on the weekends now, and that was usually for lunch only.  
  
It was on one of those occasions where Iruka was treating Naruto to ramen, that Iruka spotted Kakashi in the restaurant. He was sitting alone at a booth and reading the same book as before. Naruto saw him, too, and, before Iruka could stop him, he had sat down in front of Kakashi.  
Hey, hentai-sensei, what's up?  
Iruka hurried over.  
Naruto! Don't say things like that. It's mean, you ill-tempered slug,  
Yes, _mother_. said Naruto, rolling his eyes.  
  
Kakashi laughed and iruka glared at him. Kakashi seemed so familiar... The three finished lunch together. Naruto left to go do more training, but Kakashi decided to walk Iruka back to his house and talk along the way.  
How long have you been taking care of Naruto? he asked.  
Since he came in my class,  
  
Because I saw how bad he really wanted to be a shinobi and how hard he really tried.  
That's surprising, seeing as your... history is...  
I know it's a little odd, but think of it like this. Naruto isn't the Fox, he's himself. And yet the Fox has impacted his life almost as much as anyone in this village, really more, I think. He scorns the Fox inside him as much as we do, yet he still tries to win or love, not give up on him like we did.  
Kakashi thought for a moment.  
You're right... So, any students to warn me about for next year?  
Iruka sniggered.  
Only two.  
How bad?  
Imagine two Narutos...  
If there _were_ two Narutos we'd all be dead.  
... two Narutos with Sasuke's abilities...  
We'd be _beyond_ dead.  
... But all their destructive energy is aimed at one another.  
Oh, I see. It's still not very uplifting though.  
Yeah. That's Chou and Shi for you. The only reason they learn _anything_ is so that they can maim the other one.  
Great. I'll make sure they end up in my class.  
You seem to like challenges. said Iruka with a laugh. It was strange, he had only met Kakashi a few days ago and yet, he felt as if he had known him for years and could tell him anything.  
Don't you?  
Well, I... oh, here's my house.  
  
Iruka was sad to have to end the conversation. It had been so nice and... and he didn't know what. Kakashi must've smiled because his eye scrunched up. Then he brushed two fingers under his Hitai-Ate band, the part covering his left eye. It was odd, as if he was wiping away a tear. Iruka blinked.  
Parting is such sweet sorrow, Iruka,  
Um... bye, Kakashi,  
Iruka turned and went into his house. Things were so strange. How did Kakashi know that he had been reading Romeo and Juliet' a few days ago? Did he know that it was his favorite? How could he know...  
  
  
Over the next few weeks, Iruka's dreams, although he hardly thought it possible, intensified even more. He went through the day in a haze, still reeling from the boy's touch. He hardly even noticed when Naruto excitedly told him that he was going to go on a week long mission trip with his team and Kakashi-sensei. Iruka woozily told him that it was great news.  
  
Iruka had been seeing a lot more of Kakashi lately. He seemed to be everywhere, Iruka saw him at the store, at the ramen shop, at the bath house, waiting outside the Hokage's office, almost everywhere that Iruka went. Whenever Iruka saw Kakashi he would stop, say hi' and maybe talk a little. Kakashi didn't talk much, he seemed to like listening to the little glances into Iruka's normal days.   
  
Iruka had begun to expect and enjoy these little talks. During them he could feel free to look Kakashi up and down, drinking in every detail that he could see of Kakashi's lean body, while gently prying to learn about his days.  
  
But now... Iruka wasn't sure if he could stand one whole week without his little chats with Kakashi. They... they had become his new spark, his new goal, learn about Kakashi.


	4. Wounded

Naruto: Pretender  
Chapter Four  
Wounded  
  
It had been a little over the expected that week that Kakashi, Naruto and the rest of the team would come back. Iruka was worried. He knew he shouldn't be. It was only two days extra. Maybe they had gotten held back by an extra job or something of that sort. That thought satisfied Iruka until he heard two other teachers gossiping together.  
Kakashi-sensei... the one with the mask?  
Yes. I heard that he and his team were ambushed. The students got out fine, but Kakashi was wounded badly while protecting them.  
Oh, dear, how is he?  
I don't know.  
  
Iruka's stomach knotted, almost making him double up in pain. He rubbed at his abdomen. No. No, this couldn't be happening. He couldn't lose Kakashi. He couldn't lose his spark. Iruka quickly resolved to go see the Hokage about this. He hurriedly left for his office.  
  
  
Yes, Iruka-sensei?  
I... I heard that Kakashi-sensei was wounded in an ambush on his team.  
You heard correctly.  
How is Kakashi-sensei?  
Very well. In fact, this morning he deemed himself healthy, fought off the hospital staff and went home.  
Oh, that's nice to hear. Thank you, Hokage-sama.  
  
  
Iruka lay on his couch, unease filling him, that odd feeling that he was being watched. So many people that got close to him were hurt or lost. His parents had been killed by the Fox, he had never seen the boy again, Naruto was shunned by the village and Kakashi had almost died.   
  
Iruka couldn't stand this continual ache, deep in his chest. It was driving him mad. He had to stop it somehow. Iruka couldn't pretend any longer, the sorrow and pain was far too much to bear. The only way to stop it... he would never see what Naruto would grow up to be or feel the boy's fingers, so intoxicating, across his skin, or learn what Kakashi felt about... anything, everything, him. But it was all he could do.  
  
Iruka sat up and pulled one of his kunai from his belt. He looked at it, the razor sharp, gun metal edges that reflected is haggard eyes. He placed it's tip into his wrist and began to press into the soft flesh that gathered there.  
O, happy dagger, this is thy sheath! There rust, and let me die, whispered Iruka as he watched a drop of blood begin to well up, contrasting against his faintly golden skin.


	5. Found

Naruto: Pretender  
Chapter Five  
Found  
  
Iruka felt a tiny drop of blood slide down one side of his wrist. He needed to press harder, he would drag the kunai across like- the kunai was suddenly knocked from Iruka's trembling fingers. Iruka gasped and glanced up. Who had intruded upon his private misery?  
  
Kakashi.  
  
He stood there, his silvery hair tinted blue in the moonlight and his single eye gazing at Iruka with all the hurt and grief in the world. Kakashi knelt down and sat next to Iruka. He stared at Iruka straight in the eyes.  
You almost broke your promise. was all he said. Iruka looked up, amazement, recognition and tears glistening in his eyes.  
You... you were the boy in the forest,  
Kakashi lay one hand over Iruka's damaged wrist. And it was enough. That one touch served better than all the words in the world. Memories -or were they dreams?- came flooding back to Iruka.  
  
Silver hair. Gray-blue eye. Red, Sharingan eye. Scar. Smile. Touch. Friend. Brother.   
  
Lover.  
  
Kakashi stood and began to leave, but, just like before, Iruka grabbed his hand. Kakashi looked down, his one eye widened in surprise. But this time, Iruka would tell Kakashi what he had been feeling ever since that night.  
  
Don't leave me again, whispered Iruka, tears threatening to spill over his face, I couldn't stand it without you. I couldn't pretend anymore. I want- no, I need you. Kakashi, I love you. I've loved you since the first time you touched me. So, please, don't leave.  
Iruka stood up and pushed Kakashi's Hitai-Ate band back, revealing two mismatched and astonished eyes.  
You gave me so much that night and now I... I want to give you back what you gave me.  
Kakashi was so astounded that he didn't stop Iruka from doing what he did next.  
  
Iruka gently untied Kakashi's mask, letting it fall softly to the floor. Iruka stood for a moment, taking in this new Kakashi. Wide eyes, long nose, soft lips, moving as if to speak. Iruka ran his fingers lightly against Kakashi's bare face. Kakashi's eyes fluttered. Iruka leaned up and let his lips barely touch Kakashi's. Iruka could feel Kakashi's mouth move to speak under his and he drew back to allow him the capabilities of speech.  
  
Give me this sin again...  
  
Iruka smiled at the quote from Romeo and Juliet' and was still smiling as he kissed Kakashi again. Kakashi decide not to be outdone this time and ran his tongue over Iruka's lips, causing the man to give a small gasp. Iruka slowly slid his lips apart, allowing Kakashi to explore his lover's body further. Kakashi gave a small whispering groan of pure, unconstrained bliss. Iruka, sensing that Kakashi wanted to speak again, drew back.  
  
Kakashi looked at Iruka with a mixture of love and nervousness.  
Iruka, you know, no one has seen me without my mask. You're the only one. You're the only one to kiss me. You're the only one to touch me this way. And that's how I want it to stay. Just you. Just you, because you're the only one I want to do this to me, to make me feel this way. Iruka, I love you,  
said Iruka, smiling even as he brushed away his tears.  
  
Kakashi grinned mischievously, his smile looked eerily reminiscent of Naruto's foxy grin. Kakashi let one of his hands slide under Iruka's shirt and up his bare skin. Iruka shivered and whimpered at that familiar, sensual touch. Kakashi began to slide the tips of his fingers all over Iruka's back, just as he slid his tongue in Iruka's mouth. Iruka moaned and pushed his body against Kakashi's. Kakashi gripped the hem of Iruka's shirt and began to lift it up, to take his shirt off. Iruka grabbed Kakashi's hand, even though he was in a haze of love and desire, he still had some common sense.  
If you're even thinking of going any further, I suggest we move to the bedroom.  
Good idea, said Kakashi, gently pulling on Iruka's hand.  
  
That night, as Kakashi, his body exhausted but still desperate for any contact with his lover, lay curled as close to the sleeping Iruka as possible. Kakashi smiled to himself. This was what years of waiting for Iruka to remember was for, this moment of perfection, this small paradise that only they lived on. It had taken a long time, but now Iruka knew that he never had to pretend in the first place, that Kakashi was always there.  
  
Oh, and Kakashi would have to tell Iruka that he snored.  
  
  
Lily: eek! kawaiiness!  
Phantom: yaoi... urk. I can't believe i was your muse for this!  
Fly-Girl: oh! you should see the Sasu/Naru pic she drew. it's adorable.


End file.
